Self-Care

If you have been reading our previous posts, we talked about what is yoga, the promise of yoga, understanding the cause of pain and unhappiness, our usual responses to pain, ahimsa & yoga, and yoga for mental health. In this post, we will talk about common or popular notions of self-care and delve into what it really means. And how do we practise self-care, and what are the obstacles or challenges in doing so?

Common Ideas of Self-Care

When we think of self-care, what comes to mind? Maybe it's taking a vacation, setting aside downtime, exercising, eating well, building good sleep habits, making "me time," or treating ourselves to a massage. These are all valuable practices, but they’re only scratching the surface.

Self-care or lack of it spans a wide spectrum, from neglecting oneself entirely to engaging in complete, holistic self-care. Most of us fall somewhere in between, influenced by factors like life experiences, resilience, stress tolerance, and the specific stressors in our environment.

The concept of self-care is fluid and ever-evolving, with room for growth. It’s more than just reducing symptoms of physical, emotional, mental pain —it’s about protecting, nourishing and strengthening our resilience on all fronts, especially mental and emotional, to face life’s inevitable challenges.

Challenges to Self-Care in today’s context

We live in a fast paced world where information is at our fingertips. Whatever we want, there is Amazon, Zepto, Blinkit, 1mg et al. We are now hooked to instant gratification - “I want everything NOW!”.  Let’s stretch these ideas to our health and well-being. We want instant relief from our physical, emotional or mental pain as well. We want to quickly pop a pill and get rid of the pain. We want care, comfort, healing and cures ASAP and we look for quick-fixes and guarantees.

At the same time, family and community structures are breaking down -  this leaves people feeling lonely, uncared for, not knowing who or what to trust to feel better. We often self-diagnose and/or medicate ourselves based on Dr. Google.  We read up on more information after the diagnosis and feel anxious, instead of feeling rested that the doctor is taking care of us! Family doctors who would take the time to connect, build relationships and talk to you are a rarity - these are the days of super-specialisation.

The sense of “care, warmth and connection” that one used to receive from many people in the locality, workplace, a large family, friendly neighbors is no longer available. And we expect paid professionals (cooks, house-helps, gardeners, drivers, therapists, counsellors), our partner, children to fill this gap. Add to this the fact that our educational system has not taught us to care for ourselves as it was busy preparing us for the work-force. The end result is that most of us are lonely, stressed and feel a lack of care, or the ability for self-care. Physical care is outsourced to a physician or a gym trainer, mental-emotional care to a psychiatrist, counsellor or therapist. 

Of course,  taking a vacation, reaching out to a doctor, therapist or health care professional is an indicator of self-care - it can be a first step towards self-care. But it does not, and must not stop there.

Self-Care as Building Resilience & Empowerment

Self-care is not only about taking responsibility for our physical, emotional, mental and social well-being, but SELF-EMPOWERMENT. It is about building our capacity to care for ourselves, without needing too much external scaffolding. It is about making choices, and taking up actions/practices for maintaining and enhancing our sense of well-being and our capacity for the same.

At first, we may need some help (like a gym trainer, or a counsellor, or a class), but in the long run, this outside help must enable us to move towards a greater sense of well-being, without needing to be dependent on this support. You will agree, ‘others’ cannot do ‘self’ care 😊

I have heard my teachers say that for Krishnamacarya one of the definitions of yoga was svatantram (freedom) which to him meant - self-reliance in caring for oneself, i.e. being able to use the tools that one has (one’s body, breath, mind and knowledge) to care for oneself.

How many of us are taking active steps to develop our OWN ABILITY for self-care at all levels and to reduce our over-dependence on external support - especially for our mental-emotional well-being? The trend is instead towards increasing dependency on health-care or wellness professionals for our physical, mental-emotional well-being. And we are often caught in a cycle of dependency, unable to move towards greater capacity for self-care.

Moving from Reactive to Proactive Self-Care

Life tests our resilience most during times of hardship—whether in health, relationships, career, or personal goals. These are the moments when our inner resources that we have invested in building at other times, help us bounce back.

Real self-care is a proactive process, empowering us to maintain and enhance our well-being when things are going well.

It goes beyond physical maintenance; it’s about developing mental-emotional resilience and clarity as well. Seeking help is an important first step, but it’s essential to view self-care as an ongoing journey of self-empowerment and gradual self-reliance.

We need to see self-care on a continuum and not as a set of disparate attempts to escape from, soothe or pacify our pain or suffering as and when it occurs. In fact the best time to start self-care is when we are not in a crisis! If we have to build our capacity for self-care at the physical and mental-emotional levels, we can make a great start by taking baby steps - maybe change our work timings (begin a bit early and finish earlier), eating habits (indulge less frequently), lifestyle, sleep 30 minutes earlier or keep the phone away an hour before bed-time; get away from the many distractions and escapes that are available or peddled as self-care (reading more posts on self care on social media in bed, right before sleeping!). It's also important to move away from superficial distractions and spend some time to look at our deeper mental-emotional patterns, be in communities/with people enabling self-care, and so on. 

In the yoga tradition of Krishnamacarya, when someone comes to us with a specific problem or condition, we usually start with teaching them a very simple asana-pranayama practice, maybe even for 15-20 minutes. As they do the practice, something within shifts. They begin to see a possibility of doing something within their capacity to care for themselves, and feel better. And this to me is one of the promises of yoga -> to build our capacity for self-care, one day at a time, with a slow and steady practice.  Yes, it’s as simple as that!